Living in the Moment

Internet, I've had a lot of issues over the course of, say, my lifetime (give or take 5 years for at one point being an incapable infant) with, both literally AND figuratively "living in the moment". I've recently taken a few steps to re-evaluate my life, and what the biggest causes of stress are in my life, and they all tie back to one very simple reason: myself.

Now, I may be speaking for only myself, but from what I've observed I think that most people are their own cause for unhappiness. I don't mean we all are consciously trying to sabotage our chances at happiness, but subconsciously we are making our own lives hell.

The reason I say this is because, for as long as I can remember, I've always been five steps ahead of myself. I plan dream vacations I don't have a means to pay for. I dream of having beautiful flowers and gardens yet don't take the time to sew my seeds. Sadly, for a while, I was even imagining my future self without my amazing boyfriend of 4 years.

Needless to say, it was effecting my happiness immensely. I was becoming depressed. I had no motivation to do anything. I treated the man I love like a stranger living in my house. I didn't talk to friends, go out, socialize...nada. I'm not suicidal, but I will admit one day I spent thinking about the peace of non-existence. A chance to get the voices of doubt in my head to just shut the fuck up for a minute so I could think straight.

'What did I do to change?' you may ask. I wish I had a better explanation, but in all honestly, I got the fuck over myself.

I was so overly sensitive about where I was in life as opposed to people I graduated high school with. People who are off pursuing PhD's already. People who are traveling/working abroad. Not so much people getting married/having kids, that part I can definitely wait on...but still. I was comparing myself to people around me, and you know what? Comparing your place in life to others is a complete waste of time, because inevitably it'll buy you a one-way ticket to Bumsville.

So here's what you CAN do to buck yourself up!

First, be your own person. Every single person has their own time and place on this Earth, and I don't mean that in a religious or spiritual sense because, well, I'm an atheist; but from a sociological perspective, your life chances are affected by where and how you're raised as a child. How many social connections you have. Money. So if you're not successful straight out of high school, chances are you just didn't have all the right resources to get your unique talents noticed right away.

Secondly, don't get caught up in yourself. Remember that there are (and always will be,) people out there who care about you and love you deeply, and you're unhappiness makes them unhappy, too! Enjoy the little moments. Take time to appreciate everything instead of rushing through stuff in hopes of reaching a better tomorrow. We have plenty of time to realize our mortality when we're dead.

Thirdly, don't think about mortality. You know why animals in the wild (well, the ones not being savagely hunted or endangered by commercial development) seem so carefree and happy? BECAUSE THEY DON'T have a stream of conscious that allows them to fixate on the idea of their own mortality. Animals do what the got to do to survive. We as humans (the greater portion of the population more than others) have things EXTREMELY easy. We don't have to hunt our own food. We don't have to let distance determine where we go. We invented appliances to ease the "struggles" of every day life. So instead of living to survive; we instead have to survive ourselves.